About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I want is dick and wine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
