I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
