If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
