Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
