if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
