You just made me feel so damn special
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
