I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
