I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
