and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize