Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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