i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We just shotgunned beers for America
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
