Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
