he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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