I love having hate sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
