if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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