Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
