no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
