my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
