My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
