There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
