This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
