Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
