the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
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we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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