I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
