also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
