At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
