My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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