if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
