YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize