So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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