Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
