Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
