she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
