It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Someone shattered a urinal.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
