listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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