"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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