If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
