The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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