Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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