I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
