I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
