She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
