Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
50% drunk capacity currently
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
