i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
