Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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