She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize