I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
