last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize