i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
