Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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