I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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