Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
