Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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