Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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