Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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