What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Randomize
