i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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