I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
