i can't believe i had my finger in that
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
