It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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