he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
