i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
