I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
