I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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