While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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