Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
