watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
True college students do jello shots in the library
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