The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
