what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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