i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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